A chat with Charlie

The transgender community has been always on the front for the fight for equal rights of the LGBTQ+ community and yet they are often left out of the conversation. We had the opportunity to talk to charlie (@charlie_1195 ) a trans man to understand first hand what it is to be a trans individual in our society.

1. What are the experiences of transgender students in the academic setting?
   
   The major challenges a trans person has to face is in school or college. First thing is the uniform; the institution is too rigid about the uniform, the washroom you use. It’s hard for a trans person who is going through many challenges. I remember not going to school for days because I didn’t want to wear the uniform, which I was supposed to wear. Either the dresses should be gender-neutral, or students must be given a choice in the clothing they want to wear. This was followed by teachers taking the wrong pronouns even after telling them. They used to say stuff like “What path are you onto! This isn’t the right way, and what you’re doing is wrong.” Even your peers bully you a lot. It’s around the time of puberty most of the trans people realise that they are not being their actual self. Had I received peer support at the time when I needed it the most, it would have been amazing. I didn’t come out in school and restrained myself because I knew people around me won’t be comfortable as being trans isn’t considered “normal”.
   
2. What do you think about the availability of trans-specific resources in India?
   
   Educational resources specifically for the trans community are more available at UG level than pre-university and primary schools. Though many other resources are assured/provided by the govt. of India, they are often difficult to avail owing to the bullying and discrimination the trans community faces. Recently armed forces like CRPF, CISF, CAPF allowed trans people to apply for the officer grade positions but we cannot ignore the fact that even if trans individuals get in, they will face an extremely unsupportive, hostile environment. Even at workplaces, many trans individuals are not recognised for their contribution to the company and even if they are, they face discrimination from colleagues who perceive their progress as just a result of their gender identity. The actual change that is needed is the change of perception of the society about the trans community and they should be sensitized and educated about the same. Many Private organizations/NGOs like PeriFerry, The Humsafar Trust etc. provide trans specific resources like employment opportunities and work for the welfare of the community. Few corporates like UBER have gender transition policies and bear the entire medical costs required for transitioning.
   
3. What has been your experience while coming out as a trans individual?
   
   Coming out is mainly in 4 phases; first to yourself, then your family, then your friends and then workplace. The hardest part for me was coming out to my family. To parents, being from the LGBT+ community is an alien concept for them, they aren’t aware of sexual orientations and gender identity as such. It’s a human tendency to believe that whatever we know is the end of it and anything apart from it is “unnatural”. My parents also said that there’s nothing like ‘being trans’ and were concerned about society as well. But I was too adamant on this, and so they took me to a psychiatrist to get me “right”. Worst part being, even the psychiatrist who was from one of the best Mental Health Hospitals in Bengaluru made them believe that “it’s all in the head”. Talking about my friends, our generation is more accepting, since this concept is being talked about widely now and they support me and understand everything, even if they had to come out of their comfort zone for that. Talking about my workplace, I was asked to be quiet about this because my CEO, who said he was fine with it, believed that others wouldn’t be comfortable. This was unacceptable to me, so I left the company since there’s no point of me working at a place where I can’t be who I am. So I made sure afterwards that my follow up company must be aware of my gender identity and be completely fine with it. I knew I was done compromising and its other people who should mould themselves and understand everything. I now work at Uber, which makes sure the right pronouns are used, and there’s no discrimination whatsoever. This even increased my efficiency greatly.
   
4. What are the difficulties as a trans person you face in aspects of life like dating/career?
   
   I identify as a trans man and I am straight, which means I am attracted to women. So think of me as a guy. So what happens is, the girl initially falls in love with her idea of the person I am. Eventually there comes a time when she realises that this is something her parents will not approve of and honestly she won’t even try. All of my relationships have ended on this note. Moreover, the struggles of being the partner of a trans person is no less, you have to be there for full support, during surgeries and everything they go through. Thus, it requires a very deeper form of love for this connection.
   
5. How important are gender-neutral toilets?
   
   For those institutions that are LGBTQ+ inclusive, gender-neutral washrooms become a necessity because many individuals don’t fit into the gender binary and aren’t comfortable about openly expressing their gender identity. Few individuals might be transitioning too. A transman feels comfortable using men’s washroom as they identify themselves as a man but might face bullying or non-cooperation from cis-men that use the washroom. Gender-neutral washrooms are the answer to this problem because they can be used by anyone without being questioned about their gender identity or without having to expose their identity. But to facilitate this, the institutions have to be very open and queer-friendly in the first place.
   
6. How important is the gender reassignment surgery to a trans person and what impact does it have on their lives?
   
   In all my imagination, I’ve always seen myself as a guy but when I looked in the mirror I was someone else. It was this layer of skin that was keeping me away from living a different life that I could live. There is a famous saying about gender reassignment surgery which is ” I’m not changing my gender, I’m just shedding my skin to reveal the original one”. Gender dysphoria is a feeling of distress with your body where you feel your body is of a different gender. You want to get rid of it. I’ve had gender dysphoria for a long time and I wanted to get rid of my female body parts and was willing to give up anything to have a male body. In gender reassignment surgery, there is hormone replacement therapy. Hormones change a lot of things about you, things that make you closer to what you feel about yourself. And transitioning is not a competition about how smooth one’s transition was. It is more about being closer to your own identity. Now due to the trans bill, every trans individual must undergo surgery to change their gender officially, which wasn’t the case earlier. Now a panel will decide if your trans or not, after you undergo the surgery.
   
7. What is the importance of pronouns in establishing one’s gender identity?
   
   For any trans individual preferred pronouns are as important as their preferred names. People are expected to use the pronouns when specifically told about their preferred pronouns, but in case if they don’t use them I’d say that the trans person has every right to ignore them. Whenever someone pronounces your name wrong you either can respond by ignoring the wrong usage or you can keep correcting them every time until they start using the correct one. The same goes for the pronouns. When anyone uses the wrong pronouns it just creates an identity crisis for me or any trans person. If you are not sure about someone’s pronouns just ask them but never use the wrong ones as they will lead to an identity crisis and often depression.
   
8. How accepting is the society of transmen when compared with transwomen? Is it any better?
   
   For society, men and women are not on the same level. For a trans man, they are going from a lower level to a higher level but for a trans woman it’s the opposite, so it’s not acceptable. Appearance-wise, if you are a trans man who has been using hormone therapy for a few years, it becomes harder to distinguish them from a cis-man, but in the case of a trans woman, it is easier to understand that they are not a cis-woman. People see you differently when they learn that you are not cisgender. You won’t see a lot of trans men who are out because they merge with the crowd easily. Concerning partners also, trans men are more likely to find partners than trans women. So yes, I think that trans men are much privileged than trans women.
   
9. Many of the transgender persons beg on railway stations, crossroads etc. and often display aggression when denied alms. Considering the negative image this creates in public, what do you think should be done?
   
   I agree that they are aggressive and it is largely because of the way society treats them. It has to start somewhere. Either they stop being aggressive and the society starts accepting them or the society starts accepting them and they stop being aggressive. Since both of these things don’t seem to happen, it’s a problem. they have been rejected so many times by the society that an additional rejection triggers them to become hostile when you refuse to give them alms. It’s wrong but they are brought up that way.
   
10. What would you like to say to fellow trans individuals and everyone else?
    
    The message I always give is own yourselves. Don’t give anyone the right to tell you what you can or cannot do. Your life is yours for the taking, so accept yourself. The day you accept yourself, with all your flaws and everything, you stop looking for acceptance from society because you are standing on your side. And don’t give up on your family easily, give them time. They didn’t grow up seeing all this. Hold on to them, until it turns toxic for you. Give them some time to understand and even if they don’t think you’re wrong. You’re just different and being different doesn’t always mean you’re wrong.